One of the first steps to self confidence is to start being kind to yourself by becoming your own best friend and cheerleader.
Make a start by acknowledging your abilities and talents. Take stock of all of your abilities and talents. Include the ‘little things’, they count! Everybody is good at something, once you start thinking about it you will realise that you have many talents. Don’t skip this exercise, it really will encourage you.
Spend time thinking about all the things you do well and the things that have gone well in your life. Look for things that make you feel good about yourself and what you do.
Collect photos of past achievements, make a note of exams that you’ve passed, things that you’ve written, memories of positive things that have been spoken about you … whatever springs to mind.
Create a scrapbook or journal and add to it as you progress along your journey of transformation. Concentrate on things that you achieve, this will give you confidence to continue moving out of your comfort zone.
To build self confidence you need to do things that will help you gain confidence.
Stop under estimating yourself and do stop comparing yourself to other people. Stop setting yourself up to fail by expecting perfection, things are seldom perfect yet they are often ‘good enough’.
Everybody makes mistakes – let yourself off the hook. Don’t dwell on past mistakes. Concentrate on the positive things that you’ve done and accomplished and take inspiration from them.
Focus on what you’re capable of and remember to give yourself credit for your efforts even when things don’t turn out quite as expected. Learn from your mistakes – ask yourself what you could do differently next time.
Watch your self talk. That’s the little inner voice that says, ‘I can’t do this’, ‘I made a mess of that again’ … and stop it in its tracks.
It’s time to shut you inner critic up. Remember, you’re going to be your own best friend, friends encourage and build one another up. So, the next time your negative critic starts up, silence it.
Replace the negatives with positives. ‘I can do this, I just need a bit of help.’ or ‘I did much better this time, I’m making progress.”‘
Decide to only allow your inner voice to offer constructive comments, cut off the negatives as soon as they begin to surface.
Monitor your self talk for a week. This is the first step in turning your self talk into an ally. Listen to what your inner voice is saying.
- What kind of things have you been telling yourself?
- Are they helpful?
- Would you speak that way to a friend or a young child?
If not, change what you say to yourself. Rephrase the negative comments and turn them into encouraging words.
You develop self-confidence by feeling good about yourself and your achievements, not by beating yourself up. Try giving yourself gentle advice and encouragement. Try telling yourself that yes, you could have handled the situation better but it’s time to move on, learn from your mistake and think about how you can do better next time.
Remember to record your achievements and positve events in your scrapbook or journal. When you need a boost, look at them and remind yourself of your successes. In time, you’ll have more faith in your abilities and more confidence to try new things.
Decide what you will do, then create a plan and take the first steps today.
Lynne Lee - Spiritual Life Coach 